What to do when you went to bed with a 10 but woke up with a 2
There are times when we make better decisions than others. That’s a given. Usually the times we make the worst mistakes is when we are drinking alcohol. That is another given. One of the worst ever is taking a woman home for the night when you have your beer goggles on. Click Here to read the science behind beer googles. You know what those are. We all have a pair. After you drink a few cocktails, everything seems to look that much better. Rose colored glasses with an extra twist. The trouble occurs when you wake up the next morning and discover the girl that was a 10 when you went to bed was actually a 2 without the beer goggles. What to do? Fortunately, there are several different things you can do to ease the stress and discomfort of the next morning.
Her House Or Yours?
If you wake up at her house, the answer is simple. Get the hell out of there. Don’t be an ass, however, and sneak out. If you can’t bear to face her, leave a sweet note saying you have to go to work but really enjoyed meeting her. Mention that she looked to peaceful to wake but do not mention the morning breath and evident mustache.
If you wake up in your own home and have a beast lying next to you in the morning, the situation is a little trickier. The first thing to remember is to be quick and to the point. (Tips for getting your one night stand out of your house) Don’t offer her coffee or breakfast. Don’t even offer her a shower. Get her up and out as quickly as possible. This doesn’t mean you have to be rude. Explain you can’t be late for work but that you really enjoyed her company and call her an Uber X.
Make sure she doesn’t leave anything. This means she cannot leave behind even a matchbook. There must be no reason at all for her to come back at a later date. Make sure she has both her shoes, jewelry, phone and keys. Her purse should be firmly attached to her shoulder and out the door she goes. Never forget to be polite and direct. The fewer questions you ask and the less options she has the faster she can go.
Keep It classy Bro
It is important to remember to be as pleasant and interested as you were last night. Even if you don’t feel it. Giving a person some kindness and comfort is the fastest way to get out the door or get them out the door. It is a reinforcement and allows them to lower their defenses and let you go.
A great little trick to use if you can remember to do it is to pre-invent your excuse. Set an alarm on your phone or send yourself an email to remind you to tell her the night before that you have to work early/attend grandma’s sick bed/take the dog to the vet. Doing that allows you an excuse to get up and out early or send her on her way before the rooster crows.
On the other hand, you can turn into a total asshat. Do something like fart in bed or burp in her face. Go number two with the bathroom door open. You get the drift. Do something so gross and horrific that she can’t wait to get her stuff and hightail it home to her cat. This will also solve the problem of her trying to see you again. You won’t have to worry about it at all.
Not All One-night Stands Are Equal
A one-night stand can be fun but not if you wake up in a nightmare. One sure fire way to avoid all of this is not to sleep with anyone while drinking alcohol. We may all make this promise every time but break it just as often. It’s hard not to be promiscuous while drinking because alcohol lowers your inhibitions. Another option may be to lower your alcohol intake by only leaving home with so much money or making sure you will be home at a specific time. Whatever works for you.
If all else fails you can always have a friend call and bail you out. Sneak your phone in when you take your morning pee and schedule a call for a few minutes later. Explain that it is work and you are needed immediately or that your mom is sick or the dogs been hit by a car. Use the excuse of your choice but remember, timing is everything. If the excuse can be something that melds well with the conversations of the previous night, all the better.
The important thing to keep in mind, regardless of how you make your exit, is to try to be kind and careful of others feelings. The more kindness you can impart in the fewest amount of words will be the best course of action.